The Baptism

In 2016, Vincent filed for a Post Divorce Modification of Timesharing and Child Support. This was about 16 months post divorce and he wanted to go from every other weekend with Devon (80/20) to a 50/50 arrangement. The man that once told me I couldn’t go to the gym for an hour twice a week because he didn’t have time to babysit and raising children was a woman’s responsibility now wanted full responsibility for this child every other week. I was in shock, but not surprised. I knew it was an effort to reduce his child support obligation.

Included in that modification was a request that the child could be baptized by either parent in any faith that parent chose. Vincent was Catholic and from a practicing Catholic parents. He had gone to Catholic school most of his life. I was from a Catholic family, but had never been baptized. I had always wanted that for Devon, but Vincent had protested when Devon was born. So, now Vincent was doing a 180. That was typical, now that I can look back. It was never about what Vincent wanted. It was always about obstructing what I wanted.

So, we mediated and settled and I agreed to reduce his child support in order to keep the every other weekend arrangement. I also agreed to the Baptism. The mediator, however, failed to include that part in the Settlement agreement.

A year later, I had enrolled in Catechism classes so I could be Baptized along with Devon and our newest bundle of joy. (I had remarried earlier that year). I reached out to Vincent to let him know and ask if he’s would provide a letter to the church for his approval because our church required that. He replies that he needed the name of the church and contact info, which I provided. He then sent me this message:

“Why is it you now want to raise Devon with morals and decency when you have none yourself?”

Well, there’s the obstructionist I knew so well. I reached out to the church and told them the situation and that I probably wouldn’t be able to get that letter. The lady at the church was very sympathetic. She said she had her own divorce binder because her ex was difficult as well. But there was nothing the church could do. They needed a signed and notarized statement from the ex. I told them all I had was a signed and notarized petition to the court from Vincent stating many things he wanted, including the baptism. She said to send it over and they would review it. So I did.

A few days later the church got back to me:
“Based on this document, it appears you can legally have your child baptized.”

Woohoo! So I scheduled the baptism for a few months out. I went back and forth on whether or not I should tell Vincent that his efforts to thwart the baptism were to no avail. In the end, I just sent him an invitation and didn’t bother bringing up anything else.

I was worried the entire time during the baptism service that Vincent would show up and cause a scene. Some of the church staff new the situation too and we’re aware there could be some drama. How embarrassing to have to warn church staff that your ex husband is so bitter and angry that he may ruin a baptism service. But, Vincent never showed up. It was a beautiful ceremony. Me and my 2 boys were baptized together.

Five months later, I received the motion:

“Former wife unilaterally baptized the child without the former husband’s permission”. The usually “parental alienation” language was also included.

It took another year to actual get to a hearing on this matter. My attorney provided case law regarding the 1st amendment rights of parents to practice their faith with their child despite what the parenting plan says, as long as there is no harm done to the child. Vincent’s attorney said, “We’ll stipulate to that as long as the former wife admits she lied to the church.” I said “absolutely not. I didn’t lie to anyone.” Vincent’s attorney then chose to litigate the matter for the next 25 months.

In the end, I prevailed. And Vincent was ordered to pay my attorney fees.

THIS is post-separation abuse, using the legal system to continue to cause harm to the former victim in anyway possible. Fortunately, these kinds of vexatious motions are now on the record and hopefully our judges can see his pattern of behavior for what it is. Hopefully.