A Small Victory

We’ve been divorced 6 years. Child is 6. I have 80% custody. Vincent gets every other weekend. However, he has filed for more timesharing in the past (we settled on simply reducing his child support obligation to about 1/3 of what he should be paying) and continues the “parental alienation” narrative in every motion he files against me. There are many.

We’ve been in court for the last 2-1/2 years on contempt/ enforcement matters. I won on almost everything! He was found in contempt or enforcement was granted for not allowing phone calls between me and the child, for desparaging me to the child, for denying me holiday time with the child, and for refusing to pay the remaining equitable distribution payment to me. I’ve used many methods and tips from OMB over the years. I’ve sent the judge and my attorney (I’m on my 3rd and she really gets it) the Educate your judge packet. I’ve kept notes on all the things the child comes home from Dad’s house saying, like “Mom, you won’t let me see my family in Ohio so my dad has to see a judge” and “My stepdad doesn’t love me, only my real dad loves me.” I keep records of all this and the phone calls that go unanswered on Talking Parents. I use the grey rock/ yellow rock methods as much as possible and record things and events that are important fir the record starting with, “this is to confirm…”. I make sure to send the pictures and videos from the child. I’ve agreed when he’s asked for favors like picking the child up early or late or at different locations. I’ve always had the child return phone calls. And I always use TP to consult with him on decisions even though I know he will never read it. He and his attorney went to great lengths to try and prevent us from submitting the Talking Parents record. We actually spent 2 days of hearings going page by page redacting the TP transcript for any hearsay with the judge! It was insane, but I think it showed the judge the kind of person my ex is, as well as his cockroach of an attorney. The judge’s order expressed her concerns over the father’s behavior on several occasions.

I did not win everything. He doesn’t have to bring the child to his extra curricular activities like I had hoped and the judge felt the letter his employer provided regarding his life insurance policy was sufficient instead of producing the actual policy. He also physically assaulted me at the child’s soccer game. But it was in the parking lot with no witnesses and was his word against mine. The judge said clearly something transpired and she found it “unimaginable” that a father wouldn’t allow a mother to hug her own child simply because it was during the father’s timesharing, but based in the evidence she couldn’t find him in contempt for that matter. Oh well.
At least it’s her concerns are all in record on the order.

Vincent also filed 3 frivolous motions against me and they were all denied outright. They were nuts! He claimed I unilaterally enrolled the child in teeball, that I made unilateral medical decisions and that I baptized the child without his consent. The allegations also included the same old “parental alienation” narrative. The TP record showed my attempts to get the father involved in medical decisions and his failure to respond. I also have ultimate medical decision making which he and his attorney know. The TP record showed all of my attempts to get approval from him for various extra curricular and his failure to respond. And the TP showed the many times I tried to get him involved in the baptism of the child. I provided him with the contact info of the church in case he had any questions and I even sent him an invitation. Plus he sued me in 2016 for multiple things including his desire to have the child baptized! I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried. Ultimately, a parenting plan cannot prevent a parent from their first amendment right to practice their religion with a child as long as the child isn’t harmed. His attorney knew this from day one, but still chose to litigate the matter for over 2 years.

And he has been ordered to pay my attorney fees. Not all, since I didn’t win every single count. But the majority. He won’t though. And we will end up in court over that. But this pattern of unreasonable behavior is now being documented in court records. So hopefully, that will prevent any future attempts by this narcissistic and abusive man of trying to get more custody of our son.

Unfortunately, we get a new judge every 2 years, so who knows if the next one will be as reasonable, but I will send her the education packet from One Mom’s Battle as soon as she takes over.

Thanks so much to OMB and Do It Yourself Family Law for all of the great advice over the years. I also used a local organization called FACTS (Families against courtroom tragedies). They sat in on each of my hearings and documented everything. I certainly think it helped.