My Journey

Red Flags

December 19, 2019 /

Red flags are easy to spot in hindsight. Now I can see all of the characteristics in Vincent that should have sent me running in the other direction:

  • He was very angry and seemed to be proud of his Sicilian temper. His email address was “shortfuse”.
  • He was very controlling and obsessive and needed everything to be done his way.
  • He would get upset if I asked too many questions about his past, like he was hiding something.
  • He would break my things or throw them away if I didn’t put them away and then lie and say he didn’t to make me think I was crazy and just lost them.
  • He drank heavily and abused prescription drugs.
  • He didn’t have any friends and didn’t like to socialize.
  • He hated animals.
  • He had a “crazy” ex that he had to throw to the floor once because she attacked him. (This was Vincent’s version which differs from hers, of course.)
  • I rationalized all of these things in the beginning and thought I could change him and soften his heart. Of course, I was wrong.
  • But then, there were the red flags that I absolutely saw as plain as a day at the time and I knew in my heart this wasn’t going to work. I had to call the police multiple times before we were even married because he started getting physical with me and I knew it was just progressing and would only get worse. I couldn’t even imagine having to call the police now on my husband, Rick.
  • When I had to hide my wedding dress at my friend’s house because I thought Vincent would find it and destroy it prior to the wedding, I knew I was making a big mistake. I knew I was living in fear and walking on eggshells all the time. But I still went through with the wedding. And I still thought I could change him. I wish I would have trusted my gut and my instincts more back then.
  • What were the red flags you saw? Did you ignore them or did you just not see them at all?

    • I am a mother of 6 and a wife to the most amazing husband ever. After years of being in an abusive relationship, I have escaped and moved on and figured out that life doesn't have to be so tough. There is hope. And there is life and love and happiness after abuse.

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