I'm Finding My Voice

That was one of the many insults Vincent would throw at me regularly…”You’re so selfish!” In his opinion: It was selfish of me to change the temperature in the house. It was selfish of me to leave the light on in the kitchen. It was selfish of me want to get a couple’s costume for Halloween. It was selfish of me to buy Whole Milk instead of the 2% Milk he preferred. It was selfish of me to use the oven to cook a Salmon dinner when I should have used the toaster oven which uses less electricity. It was selfish of me to make fattening foods for dinner. It…

When you finally leave an abusive relationship, you will come to identify certain triggers that can bring back the feelings you had while in that toxic environment. Sometimes, they are relatively obvious like hearing yelling or screaming or watching a movie or tv show that depicts domestic violence. Even reading other people’s stories sometimes brings up memories that I’ve blacked out and can remind me of the years I wasted with Vincent. But, then there are other triggers that can seem so absurd to people that have never been in a controlling relationship with a narcissist. One of my odd triggers is the thermostat. Vincent didn’t allow me to touch…

This is the question that victims of Domestic Violence are asked repeatedly. It comes in different forms: “Why didn’t you leave him sooner?”, “Why did you stay with him for so long?”, “Why did you have children with him?”, “He couldn’t have been that bad if you stayed married to him for 20 years.” These question come from many different people. They come from well-meaning friends who you kept in the dark for years that can’t believe the strong and intelligent girl they knew years ago could ever find themselves in an abusive relationship. They come from the family members that love you but don’t understand how you could end…

When I was 25 years old, I began a very unhealthy relationship with my now ex-husband, Vincent. There were many red flags that I ignored and I eventually married a man that was physically, verbally, emotionally, psychologically, financially and sexually abusive to me. He was and continues to be controlling, manipulative, bitter and angry. He is a narcissist and he will never change because he thinks he is perfect. When my son, Devon, was born, I found the courage to leave Vincent. But, I now have to attempt to coparent with the same man that abused me for years because family courts believe children should have both parents in their…