February 14, 2013. That was the day I knew Vincent was incapable of love or empathy and was truly evil. In January of that year I found out I was pregnant for the first time. I was excited. I know now that my desire to have a child was an attempt to find love…because I knew that Vincent didn’t love me. You don’t treat people you love the way he treated me. But, at the time, I wasn’t as educated on the topic of narcissists and empaths and codependents and the dynamics that led me into an abusive relationship in the first place. And I was happy to start a…

Red flags are easy to spot in hindsight. Now I can see all of the characteristics in Vincent that should have sent me running in the other direction: He was very angry and seemed to be proud of his Sicilian temper. His email address was “shortfuse”. He was very controlling and obsessive and needed everything to be done his way. He would get upset if I asked too many questions about his past, like he was hiding something. He would break my things or throw them away if I didn’t put them away and then lie and say he didn’t to make me think I was crazy and just lost…

That was one of the many insults Vincent would throw at me regularly…”You’re so selfish!” In his opinion: It was selfish of me to change the temperature in the house. It was selfish of me to leave the light on in the kitchen. It was selfish of me want to get a couple’s costume for Halloween. It was selfish of me to buy Whole Milk instead of the 2% Milk he preferred. It was selfish of me to use the oven to cook a Salmon dinner when I should have used the toaster oven which uses less electricity. It was selfish of me to make fattening foods for dinner. It…

When you finally leave an abusive relationship, you will come to identify certain triggers that can bring back the feelings you had while in that toxic environment. Sometimes, they are relatively obvious like hearing yelling or screaming or watching a movie or tv show that depicts domestic violence. Even reading other people’s stories sometimes brings up memories that I’ve blacked out and can remind me of the years I wasted with Vincent. But, then there are other triggers that can seem so absurd to people that have never been in a controlling relationship with a narcissist. One of my odd triggers is the thermostat. Vincent didn’t allow me to touch…